Imagine going on a camping trip. I start a campfire, watch it burn for a while, then let it die. I pour water over it and go on with my day. But in the evening I come back and realize — under those ashes, some embers are still red and hot. A strong wind passes by. Sparks ignite into flame. A wildfire rages.

When I turned 36 years old, I felt like those buried embers.

I had a demanding job running a social services agency. I had a wife, three kids, a mortgage, two car payments, and bills that never stopped coming. Every morning I woke up, sat in traffic, went to work, sat in traffic again, came home exhausted, and did it all over the next day.

I tried several different jobs over the years. I got involved in a business once but backed out quickly. I joined a network marketing opportunity but felt disconnected. None of it went anywhere. Even outside of work I was getting bored — the same weekend birthdays, the same barbecues, the same sporting events on TV.

Many times I thought to myself: How did I get here? Maybe I got married too young. Maybe my wife and I had kids too soon. Maybe I should have held on and not bought a house so early. Maybe that’s why I can’t get another degree or a better job.

I think everybody has a dream. When I was young, I was fascinated with pictures and stories of faraway places. I always wanted to get out of my neighborhood — the poverty, the war, the old traditions. I wished I was a bird so I could fly all over the world.

Like a miracle, the war ended in 1975. I ran away and found myself in the United States. I was so happy to be here. I was free and ready to go.

But reality set in. The settlement in a new land. The struggle to survive. The maintenance of a busy life. All around me, in the land of opportunity, everybody got busy their entire life, then died. My situation was almost the same. For ten years, I didn’t go anywhere. I was stuck in a rut, and my dream slowly disappeared with every passing year.

Over the past 28 years, meeting and talking to countless people, I found a good majority of them lost their dream. And the reasons were always the same.

No time. In our 20s, we are busy finishing school. By our 30s, a new house and kids take all our time. By our 40s, job pressure mounts. By our 50s, our kids’ college bills pile up, our parents need help. We are exhausted by our 60s and fear retirement without enough savings. Each day we have ten things to do and we are lucky to finish two.

No money. Our lifestyle increases faster than our paycheck. We intend to buy a Toyota but drive home with a Lexus. We are so popular we don’t want to disappoint people. If we lose our job, our finances collapse. Many people are just one paycheck away from bankruptcy.

No motivation. Our coworkers talk about getting laid off. Our friends talk casually about current events or celebrities. Everyone feels lucky just to have a job. At home we hardly talk with our spouse about anything other than the children and the bills.

Indifference. We become settled and accept things the way they are. We lose our courage. We analyze everything — the pros and the cons — so we don’t have to do anything. We are afraid to make a mistake. When we were young, we complained that our dad just sat on the couch cheering for some unknown ball players. Now we are doing the same thing. Life has come full circle.

We must take control of our lives. We must reignite our dream.

We do such good things for others. We work hard for our boss. We get good grades to make our parents proud. We sacrifice for our family members. We do things for others but fail to do things for ourselves. We live our lives for others but forget our own needs. Our own purpose. Our own happiness. Our own dream.

Have you ever asked yourself: If you had one minute to live, what would you say to your spouse and children? If you had one hour, who would you spend time with? If you had one day, what is the most important thing you would want to do? If you had one month, how would you prepare things for your loved ones? If you had one year, what priorities must you complete?

One of our teammates in Chicago passed away in April 2012. He joined our business the prior year, knowing he had terminal cancer. He was probably the happiest, most positive person you could ever meet. Every day he went to work despite his weakened condition and always fought to win. He kept making presentations, recruiting and selling even while in the hospital during the last week of his life. He died a happy man.

I was a low-key guy. Almost invisible.

In the spring of 1985, a man walked into my office and invited me to a BPM — a business presentation meeting. Smelling a network marketing deal, I gave him an empty promise and didn’t show up. He came back the next week to invite me again. I got curious, but something held me back at the last minute. I stood him up a second time.

After that, he never returned.

A few weeks later, I bumped into a lady in the hallway of my office. She invited me to the same meeting. This time I was ready and willing.

The BPM that Saturday morning was the strong wind of my life. It blew me away. It fired me up. Up until that point, I was burning inside, but the flames of desire had found no oxygen.

The dream that was buried inside finally burst out with the air of hope. I realized my dream was still alive, that it was always there.

Believe in your dream. This is your dream. Take possession of it. It’s yours. No one understands it. No one can take it from you. Don’t let the doubters and naysayers destroy your dream.

I remember when I received my first check. It was too small to compare with the money I make now. But it made me so happy — a lot more than today. I lived my dream every night going out doing presentations, sharing my story, sharing my dream. I felt as if I was the luckiest person in the world. I had a job. I also had a great business. I did have failures and frustration, but I quickly knew that was part of the challenge I needed to overcome.

The very first day after I attended the business presentation meeting, I ran into a big wall of opposition and rejection. The following weeks were even worse. I endured ridicule. People avoided me. The whole world around me became totally different.

The people closest to me suddenly seemed so distant. The people I thought trusted me showed great doubt. And the people I thought looked up to me now had a strange look on their face.

The most shocking thing was this upside-down attitude. Barely anybody told me exactly what was wrong. They just threw out general remarks, questioning the downside of the business.

Is there something wrong with me?

Like most people, I wanted to be a good person. In everything I did, I behaved in such a way that wouldn’t hurt or damage my relationships. Not only that — I went out of my way to make people happy. So when I joined the business, these reactions from my friends and family first shocked me, then puzzled me, and finally depressed me.

I didn’t really start yet, and the criticisms already felt so painful. I felt as if I was climbing a mountain and falling down fast, getting bruises all over my body.

But I quickly found out I’m not the only one. Almost every new recruit received similar treatment and hit the same wall. Teachers, social workers, nurses, accountants, engineers, housewives, managers. These are normal and good people.

Is there something wrong with the business? I put my time in to learn the business. The trainer puts in her time to train me. They don’t charge me a dime. They don’t make money until I make money. There are no quotas, no sales nor recruiting requirements. After analyzing it, I couldn’t find anything wrong.

Is there something wrong with them? My disappointment turned to resentment and anger. How could they do that to me? My best friend — for years we had a perfect relationship. My brother-in-law — we take care of each other’s kids. My cousin and niece — we help them so much whenever they need something. And my wife. She seems so indifferent, as if she has nothing to do with the business.

Eventually I understood. There are four reasons they doubt me.

They think I made a mistake. There are so many bad deals and scams around. This could be one of them.

They think I’ll fail. Like most people, I’ll give up soon. Why should they do business with someone who won’t last?

They might have failed at a similar business before. They don’t want to repeat a painful experience.

They fear change. Change is uncomfortable. Although change is inevitable, most people don’t like to change. I grew up the traditional way. I worked by day, took care of family by night, and hung around with friends and relatives during the weekend. The path was so well planned. Who would want to change it? I did. I rocked the boat. I walked a different path.

Ever since, I began to understand. I don’t take it personal. It’s not about me. It’s about their perception of their life. This understanding gives me great peace, and I start having compassion for them.

I met my wife Hoa in college where we became friends. When the Vietnam War ended in 1975, I saw her again in a refugee camp. One year later, we married in Honolulu, Hawaii. Our wedding was very simple. We hosted the reception in the backyard of our rented house. I was very happy to marry her, but in my heart I felt sorry for her. I thought she deserved a better wedding.

We both worked and tried to survive in our new adopted country. At the time both of us made a little over three dollars an hour. All my wife wanted was to be a housewife, so I told her someday when I make seven dollars an hour, I would let her stay home. Eventually, she became an accountant, while I headed a social services agency. Although we both surpassed seven dollars, we continued to go to work to keep up with growing bills.

Almost ten years passed by. We had three kids. She worked full time and took care of the household, the children and the bills, busy from sun up to sun down. Then one day, she took a second job doing bookkeeping in order to afford more things for the kids. She became more tired and frail. I felt as if someone had thrust a dagger into my heart.

Then a miracle happened. I found this business.

On the very first day, as I ran home to share the business opportunity, she had a casual reaction. Although her mouth didn’t say it, her eyes were full of doubt. I asked her to come to the meeting. She told me I can do anything I want but to leave her alone. She’s busy enough.

After many requests, she finally agreed. In the middle of the meeting, she stood up and went to the bathroom. I sat there, waiting and waiting. She did not come back. Panicked, I asked another lady to look for her. She couldn’t find her. I kept looking and finally found Hoa in the parking lot, sleeping in the car.

A few months later, at a good friend’s birthday party, I waited till the end and began to talk to my friend about the business. My wife stopped me in the middle of the presentation.

“Why are you recruiting him?” “To join me in the business!” “What business?” “Business of making money!” “What money?”

I was furious. She was embarrassing me in front of my friend. Instead of doing the presentation, Hoa and I started arguing. I never recruited that friend.

Then came the day that almost broke us.

She had a family reunion marked in my agenda book. This was a very important day, and everyone was flying to San Jose that Saturday evening. She reminded me over and over that I had to be there. I promised her I would make it, that I would be home early that Saturday and at her dad’s home before 7pm.

The BPM Saturday morning was great. We had momentum, activity and appointments that afternoon. The last one was at 3pm. I should have been able to finish and be home by 5pm. Somehow, the appointment ran late. I wrapped it up and rushed home.

As I walked into the house, it was almost 6pm. My wife and kids were all dressed up, waiting for me. I told the kids, “Daddy will take a quick shower, get dressed, and we will be at grandpa’s before 7pm!”

I was all ready by 6:30pm. Then all of a sudden, my pager vibrated. It was the teammate I worried about. This was his first sale. Standing at the garage, I told my wife, “Let me make a quick call to answer him and I’ll be right out.”

I hurried back to the kitchen phone. The client was ready to buy but wanted to ask a few questions. I gave them the answers, but he added a few more. I tried to explain as fast as I could and went back to the garage.

But the garage was empty. My family left without me.

All of a sudden, my mind went black, and thunder boomed. To say I was furious is an understatement. I asked myself: Why is she giving me such a hard time? Is she the better half, or is she the worse half? Do I want to continue this path with someone who doesn’t understand me, is indifferent about our future and a potential destroyer of my dream?

The more I thought about it, the dark side of me grew. I now understood why people divorce.

However, I stood alone in the garage for a while. The anger cooled down. Then sadness and fear moved in.

I looked back on all those years living together. I remembered all the trouble she went through with me. The hardships that came with my job, my business and my team. The struggles she faced with her job, the children and the circle of people around her. She was swarmed with work, chores and obligations. She’d become known as a woman without a husband.

I began to see why she acted that way that evening. It’s not about being a little late tonight. It’s about the frustration she endured for all this time.

Over the years, I had given her an ultimatum: “You know how much I love this business. This is my life. But if you think continuing to do it will ruin our family and you want me to quit, I’ll listen to you.”

She never answered that question. I knew in my heart she supports me in this business.

I took a deep breath, got in the car and drove to her dad’s home. As I entered the house, I put on a happy face, said hello to everybody and acted as if nothing happened.

It’s a strange fact in our business, something few new recruits would know about or even understand. The wonderful business they just joined may not last more than 30 days for them.

The main reason why most people quit is because they are unprepared for the sudden changes of starting a new business. Excitement is temporary. Commitment is permanent. Excitement gives us the courage to overcome our fears and helps us make the decision to start. But we need commitment to learn, endure and treat it like a true business.

When I joined, I made a commitment to treat it like a real business. I told myself I have a part-time job from 8am to 5pm and a full-time business from 5pm to 11pm.

I had a friend who had a job but owned a gas station. Every day during the lunch hour, he rushed to his business for a brief visit, and right after work he went directly to his gas station and stayed until late. I did exactly that. At lunch, I grabbed a sandwich and went to the office. I brought apps, paperwork, visited my trainers, asked them questions, observed how they worked and did interviews. And the minute I got out of my job, I went straight to my appointments, did drop-bys and made presentations until late.

It’s funny how we put in 12 years of general education and another four years in college to get a degree, but most are not willing to put in 30 days to get a license. The degree gives you a job, while the license gives you a business.

By the third day in the business, after watching my trainer do eight simple presentations verbatim, I knew this business was doable. Even though we didn’t get a recruit or make a sale, I saw how easy it was to do and was ready to do it myself.

My brother-in-law was an artist, a dreamer. He eventually relocated to Houston while I settled in San Jose. Even though I became quite successful, it took him a long time to pay attention to what we do. Finally, he decided to join after so many years.

I flew to Houston to help him get started. Things were looking up, the team grew, and I believed they were the real deal. I came back many times to help him recruit and train his people. But after almost six months, he was still not licensed. I was mad and asked why it took him so long.

He told me, “Xuan, you shouldn’t push me so hard! I’m busy with a job, my family — and as you know, I’m an artist. I don’t work fast. You got to give me time.”

He got on my nerves.

He got the licenses soon after and today has built a large organization in the Southwest, earning a major six-figure income.

Although all eight of my early presentations were not successful, one very positive thing came out of it. I was duplicated. I saw eight simple presentations over and over, memorized it by heart, and was able to do it myself. Most of these people eventually joined.

By the spring of 1987, I felt I needed to make a move. Even though I made good money, most of it was due to my personal effort. Few of my people became trainers.

Then one day while having lunch, I bumped into a coworker from a different department. She was sitting with another man — her husband, an engineering manager. My recruiting antenna sprang up. We traded business cards.

I later made a few phone calls and established a relationship. Then one night, after finishing an appointment, I called and asked if it was alright to drop by the house since I was in the area. The husband agreed. It was almost 10pm. I was very excited. I recruited him that night.

One week passed. At a wedding I met a couple and started to prospect them. We traded phone numbers. The next day, Sunday, my new recruit invited me to his son’s birthday. There I met the wedding couple again. They happened to be friends with my new recruit.

We talked to the wedding couple and recruited them. From this couple, we started a recruiting frenzy. To this day, this leg accounts for about one third of my organization, including several big builders and hundreds of SMDs.

The longer I am in the business, the more I want to be a System Builder. I want to build a big business with a predictable, duplicatable system. People must have the builder’s mindset to understand the system and make it work. The builder’s mindset is composed of four key elements.

You must eat, sleep and breathe recruiting. Like learning a new language, you will never speak it until you actually practice and do it. The key to our system is not in the explanation or the classroom training. It’s being out in the field.

A fast start saves new recruits. Within my first few days, all my doubts and fears were quickly resolved. I was recruited and retained.

Our system is built on meetings and events. Without events and meetings, there will be no system and no business. The meeting is our business. Your store hours are Tuesday night and Saturday morning.

The number one ingredient of teamwork is care. If you don’t care, you don’t have a team. As a builder, put your teammate first. Don’t be fair to them. Be more than fair to your people.